i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
