Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just had sex on a roof
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
