sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
