Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My penis needs a shock collar
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
