Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
