i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
