My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
