What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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