Already got asked if we're dating
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Is it penis luge time yet?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
