ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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