Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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