you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
