If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
