They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
