We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
