i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
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