grandma shit on top of the toilet
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
it hurts more in the daytime
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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