I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i barfeds in our rink
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He has the fingertips of a God
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
