forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
