she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
