Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
