im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
