she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
