dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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