i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
