It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
