Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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