ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
babies were throwing up all over the place
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
