so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
