I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
