I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
