so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
