I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
