I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
