Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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