He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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