Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
