Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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