You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize