Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Of course I have a pirate flag
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
