I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
