Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
