He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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