Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So apparently I’m into choking now
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
