quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
