I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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