Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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