You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
