he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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