Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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