I look better un-naked...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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