are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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