I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
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Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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