The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
