So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
