Apparently you make a good broom.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
