the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
