They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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