Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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