I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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