Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
