Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
