I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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